GAY PEOPLe's Chronicle FEBRUARY 21, 1997

BIG TIPS

When does a lesbian 'lose' her virginity with women?

by M.T. "the Big Tipper" Martone

Hi all! I'm always excited when I can lay a juicy morsel of information at your feet. (I just got a vision of myself as an earnest golden retriever with a dead bird in my mouth. Bleah.)

I've had lots of conversations with my friends about shaving various sensitive areas of our nether regions, with the upshot of every chat being: "Good Lord... Does it have to itch so much when it's growing out? And what about all of those little red bumps?"

Then, in a recent conversation with some professional gals who need to keep smooth for the money, I learned two things.

One: Always use a new disposable razor each time you shave. The extra sharpness really makes a difference in closeness of shave, and subsequent lack of irritation.

Two: When you're through shaving, rub stick antiperspirant/deodorant (the white kind, not the clear kind) on the area. This prevents a clammy, chafing environment from occurring. It also kills the bacteria that can give you a rash. Then, obviously, maintain a close shave to prevent the grow-out itchies.

Cool, eh? Who knew?

Dear Tipper,

at.

My friends and I have been tossing around a question that has no correct answer, yet is a hell of a lot of fun debating: When does a lesbian lose her virginity?

Some of us say it's when you have an orgasm at the hands of another woman, but that's pretty vague. Does looking at Playboy while masturbating count?

Other people say deflowering occurs when another woman goes down on you, but that seems a little too specific.

We're craving your opinion.

When? When? When?

Dear Debating the Mating,

Yeah, I think you're right: There is no definitive answer, but after much pondering, I have an opinion.

It can't hinge on orgasm, because some people will never come, even after the most rousing activities which are without a question, sex. It can't be based on a specific act, like oral sex or penetration, because some sexually active folks will never participate in particular activities.

You also have to consider the difference between a lesbian losing her virginity, versus losing her lesbian virginity. Many lesbians lose their virginity to men.

And then, one can only wonder about bisexual virginity: You could lose your virginity, then your bisexual virginity when you have your first same sex partner, but if you had a same sex partner first, maybe you'd only get to lose your virginity once. Yikes!

I say, technically, it's the first time that a woman comes together with another woman of their own free will and sexual desire and there is some genital contact: I want to specify contact with grrrl-juice, but in the interest of safer sex and some passionate make out/dry hump sessions, I'll let that go.

I want to say it actually doesn't matter, but unwanted virginity is a horrible burden on someone who wants to lose it. I guess the best part of lesbian virginity is that you don't

Dykes ToWatch Out For by Alison Bechdel

DATE

default

PASTA PUTANESCA...

255

FOLLOWING

SOME MILD MELODRAMA

AT THE

COFFEE SHOP,

MO HAS PACIFICALLY AGREED TO DINE WITH SYDNEY.

...AND VERMICELLI WITH CHARD STEMS, DO EITHER OF YOU LADIES WANT SOME FR...

ARE YOU OKAY? D'YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT?

SYDNEY, I'M TRYING TO HAVE A SERIOUS DISCUSSION HERE. COLD YOU QUIT TEASING ME

FOR A SECOND?

YEAH. JEEZ, I GUESS A GIRL HAS TO BREAK DOWN IN TEARS TO GET A DATE

WITH YOU.

TEASING YOU IS A RARE PLEASURE, BUT AT THE MOMENT I'M PERFECTLY SERIOUS.

SYDNEY, IF THAT LITTLE OUTBURST WAS SOME KIND OF SCAM..

Pasla

Pastafaz

really "lose" anything. It's more like shucking a pair of tight pants. Ahhh. Dear Big Tipper,

I've been out of college for about five years, and am having a hard time finding a satisfying job. I think that an advanced degree may be the key to greater opportunities, but I have no idea what to choose to do.

I don't really have any money, but I figure I can get student loans and grants, and pay back debts when I get out of school with my increased earnings.

In my heart, I'm a poet, and I write every day, but I wonder about how lucrative it would be to get an MFA in creative writing. I could teach with that degree, but I know college professors don't make that much

money.

I'm tired of working for people who don't appreciate me, and I feel like I'm underusing my talents. Do you think it might be worth the sacrifice to go back to school and "buy" more earning power?

Where Should I Go Next?

Dear Taxed or Text,

Hmm. Grad school is a cruel mistress. Not that you shouldn't go, but you need to be extremely clear about what you want to have when you leave grad school. Not just: "I want a more meaningful life," or the equally vague: “I want more lucrative opportunities."

Sit your fanny down with a pad and a pencil, and list what you want. More money? Then don't get an MFA in creative writing. In my humble estimation, an MFA is best

WASN'T! I

AND THIS IS NOT A DATE, OKAY? I JUST WANTED TO APOLOGIZE FOR HURTING YOU.

WAS GENUINELY UPSET!

fazool

IT'S ODD. BEING CALLED POND SCUM NEVER BOTHERED ME BEFORE. BUT SOMEHOW, WHEN YOU SAID IT, IT REALLY GOT IN!

COMPLETELY?

MMHMMM.

HUH. Y'KNOW, YOU HAVE A RAKISH, DEBAUCHED SORT OF CHARM YOURSELF.

WATCH OUT. I MIGHT CORRUPT you.

HELLO, MO. HELLO, SYDNEY

I SAID I

pursued when you want two or three years out of a working adulthood to focus on your craft.

If you're brilliant, you may get a teaching gig when you get out, but I know wonderful artists and writers, post MFA, who are waiting tables, and I know folks who are successfully selling their art and writing without the benefit of an advanced degree. If you want more money, become a lawyer (although that's a pretty saturated field), or a software engineer.

If the goal is to work for yourself, you don't have to go to school. Start sending that writing out to publishers and publications, but don't quit your day job until it looks like you have enough steady opportunities to pay the rent.

It can be tempting, when faced with a future in a dead-end job, to try to buy your way out of misery by going back to school, but unless you choose the program very carefully, you'll just end up a few years older, thousands of dollars in debt, and applying for jobs similar to the one you're in now.

Keep your eyes peeled for a job that would employ your writing talents specifically. If you want to check out MFA programs, look for ones that might give you significant financial assistance, so you don't get sucked dry in your quest for financial stability. Good luck.

Send your burning questions on life and love to M.T. Martone, care of the Chronicle, P.O. Box 5426, Cleveland 44101, or fax to 216-631-1082, or e-mail to ChronOhio @aol.com.

WAS SORRY.

http://www.visi.com/~oprairie/

IN THAT INSTANT, YOU MADE ME REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT A SHIT I'D BEEN TO THEA ALL THOSE YEARS AGO. YOU HAVE A CERTAIN MORAL AUTHORITY ABOUT YOU, Mo. A KANTIAN CATEGORICAL IMPERATIVE KIND OF THING. VERY SEXY.

H-HI,THEA. MAXINE.

SHIT!

I TOLD HER I WASN'T GONNA GO OUT WITH YOU,

LOOKS LIKE I'M HAVING A DELETERIOUS EFFECT ON YOUR MORALS ALREADY. SHALL WE KNOCK OVER A PASTRY SHOP FOR DESSERT?

No!

SLURP

URP

The Mostly Unfabulous Social Life of Ethan Green

On the off chance that you are re-

thinking those

monastic vOWS you made after that last guy broke your heart.

the Ethan Green Public Service Dept Presents this..

Sunni is Social climbing

IT'S A TOTALLY A-LIST EVENT AND IF I GET INVITED I'LL BE POPULAR! AND THEN AND THEN. I'LL BE

HAPPY!!

Dream Date

alphabet

Theo is Thoughtless

YOUR Teeth,

ARE THEY GETTING GRAYER?

Moshe is Mad.

HEY CAN I CALL You?!

I'M UP FOR ONE OF THE WEEKEND LOUGHS NEXT APRIL YA BUSY?

Umberto is Unfaithful

...and Vincent

is Vicious.

Nils is Nosey

Otto is Ostentatious.

Piérre is Preachy

BY ERIC ORNER Rueben is Risk-prone

... C'MON BUCKY, YOU KNOW RUBBERS KILL MY HARD ON..

Stocks

SPONSORP

HOW

HEY, HOW MUCH'S WHICH HE MAKING OVER THERE? HOW OFTEN DO YOU THINK THEY HAVE

SEX?

HAVE YOU HEARD IF HE HAS INTIMACY ISSUES? REALLY! S

Big?

Woody is Windy.

BENEFACT

Xerces is Xenophobic

Josey -OUTOF PHILLY

FLOSS

Quan is Quiet.

Yaegel is Young...

I'm a

TOP.

REAL MEN ARE TOPS

and Zack is

Zombiesque.

GOTTA EAT THIS SON

GOTTA EAT THIS BONE GOTTA ENT THIS BONE GOTTA EAT THIS BONE

eric sorner@aol.com